The Case of the Nose Hair Guy

So I was recently assigned to work with this guy – let’s call him ‘Harry’ – on a class project; and believe it or not I observed something very strange about him.

We meet for the first time at the library and he’s rambling on for seemingly quarters of an hour so excitedly about what he wants to do for the assignment. He seems to be really into it, but I’m not sure because from the time I sit down I don’t even process or comprehend a single phrase he utters. It’s all just like muffled sounds vaguely being emitted forth from his mouth like the bellowing of a record playing back at a low speed; for I am so preoccupied, so locked on, so zoned in and honed in upon his personal forest of nose hair that it’s like these nostril hay bales are screaming with such intensity that nothing else is audible for miles.

Yet the extreme decibels of Harry’s Snout Shout are apparently only audible to me; and what’s even more peculiar is that he even seems unaware that I’ve noticed it. He actually thinks I can hear his verbal jumping jacks.

Right then it really strikes me! I’m going to have to accomplish tasks with this beholder of thy snot rain forest. How am I going to do it? I can’t concentrate on what he’s saying. It’d be like trying to tune a guitar with a steadily clanging gong two feet away.

But the next time we meet the most bizarre thing of all happens. HE HAS TRIMMED THE NOSE HAIR! You do understand why this astounds me, do you not? The reason I can’t believe it, is because a person who would think to trim their nose hair at all would NEVER, EVER IN A BRAZILLION YEARS let it get that out of hand first.

I’m perplexed and confused, because to cut it at that point would require that he looks in the mirror and all of a sudden realizes and says to himself, “Well, I’ve had this appalling pelt of beak fur for about the last 90 days now . . . better not let it go for 91; because THAT would be gross.”

That’s all I have to say on the matter, but if YOU can think of a sensible explanation as to why - if one of you out there knows nose hair - no matter how preposterous, Harry might’ve let it go so far please leave it as a comment.