Bluetooth Girl Asking Out Technique

You know, it’s funny: there I am at the supermarket, pretending to shop, following this girl around wishing I could get brave enough to talk to her. I’m not selecting items that I want, but rather ones that I think she might notice me buying and be impressed by.

For example, I grab some kind of exotic fruit from Asia hoping she’ll think I’m slick because of my healthy choice; and because it’s Asian, maybe she’ll think I am smart as well, like I know more than regular people because I eat Asian fruit instead of regular American fruit like pineapples or bananas.

Maybe she’ll ask me about the fruit. Then I realize this would be bad. I don’t know what I would say, I would either have to make something up, in which case I would get too nervous and blow it, or else admit ignorance and that can’t happen either.

I consider putting the Asian fruit back, but then she would think I was really stupid, like I can’t make up my mind even about fruit, which is bad. Chicks dig decisiveness.

I cover up the fruit with the first thing I see: A box of Dora cereal, and then I panic. What if she thinks I’m into Dora? Should I put it back? No. Can’t do that. I’ve already been through this. “Relax,” I tell myself “Deep breath – The cereal is for your niece.” There, problem solved.

Next, I grab a jar of these things called capers. I don’t even know what capers are. Never tried one, but they sound and look quite interesting, like maybe an ingredient that a gourmet chef might use in some kind of meal or something.

But anyway like I said I’m wishing I could get brave and talk to her, but I can’t approach a stranger and just blurt out, “Hi, could I take you to dinner?”

This is because of the likelihood of rejection; and I’ve dissected rejection and figured out what it is. It’s her saying, “You desire me, which is quite understandable. I would not laugh at you for that; but what’s ridiculous is that you actually imagined that I might desire you. Well, get real, dude!” It’s the woman affirming that the guy is not nearly as much as he’d allowed himself to hope he was.

And I could get over knowing that she WOULD reject me like if I could read women’s minds and automatically see that out of the 100 women in the room which 98 of them would decline if I asked them out. I could handle that, because then the women would not know that I wanted to ask them out, but once you ask them out they know, and that’s the idea I cannot stand.

So all I’m thinking at best is that maybe I could think of a friendly comment to make small talk and she would smile or even laugh and then comment back; and who knows? Maybe it would develop from there like in a movie or a really good commercial. That’s the best I’m hoping for when the most amazing thing happens: A woman’s voice asks, “Do you want large marshmallows or minis?”

I turn to see a different mom-sorta woman who’s looking right at me. I say, “No thanks! I don’t need any marshmallows, but that’s very kind of you to offer.”

The woman looks at me dismissively like I’m a huge bug that just landed on her sleeve. She reaches past, grabbing a bag of marshmallows off the shelf behind me. No longer looking in my direction says, -“Penelope likes the gingerbread ones with sprinkles . . .” trails off and turns to reveal a hands-free headset on her ear.

“Oh,” I realize, “She’s talking on her mobile phone,” which makes more sense if you think about it. It would be rather odd to offer marshmallows to a stranger. But in any case that little event, that little miracle, gives me an incredible idea that will probably one day revolutionize the methods men use to ask girls out.

So I put on my Bluetooth hands-free headset and I side step over to the girl I’ve been following, in such a way that she can’t see the ear with the earpiece. I turn and look pretty much at her, and say, “Heeeeeeey, what’s up? Do you want to get some dinner?”

She gives one of those tight lipped smiles that’s not really a smile because no other parts of the face move and says, “I don’t think so.” (Beautiful.) And I quickly turn and gesture toward my earpiece whispering, “I‘m sorry, Mam! I’m on the phone with a sweet-lookin’ babe.”

Isn’t that the best? I found out that she was one of the 98 while convincing her that I wasn’t asking her out! And when you do think someone is asking you out and you find out they are not, you have to feel pretty stupid because you are not as cool as you thought you were, so I really turned that whole feeling that I can’t stand back around on her, and that makes it all worth it. Which is why I consider this day a huge success as far as my personal dating scene goes.